BART Adventures: Grown Men Slapping Each Other

Yesterday morning, while sitting on the BART (my favorite mode of public transportation in the city due to its usual speediness, lack of tourists peering at San Francisco maps, and its number of available seats), I witnessed my first ever BART fight.

The fight began, as all things worth fighting over do, with a heated discussion over WHO REACHED THE LAST AVAILABLE SEAT FIRST. The aggressor, a man who looked as though he worked in an auto shop, began by pushing and yelling at the unfortunate businessman who had chosen to cross him, "What the fuck!? What do you think you're doing, man?" The businessman, who was equally incensed over the situation, screamed repeatedly, "You're crazy! You're crazy! I'm calling 911 on you!" The lame verbal argument degenerated into a physical fight, complete with both men windmilling their arms and slapping at each other in the manner of two teenage girls.

Meanwhile, we other passengers on the train reacted to this impressive show of bravado in either one of two ways - by 1) moving away from the crazy windmilling arms and giving these two idiots ample space to slap each other, or 2) stalwartly staying put and refusing to give up our seats. I, of course, refused to move from my seat, and responded to the aggressive bitch slapping by cowering slightly and pretending I did not exist (this is a very successful tactic; also highly recommended for when an elderly person attempts to steal your seat. The key is to not make eye contact).

You would think the most amusing part of the fight was the bitch slapping, but no. The best part of the entire thing was when BOTH men pulled out their cell phones and called 911 to report the other AT THE SAME TIME.

The adventure (well, for me anyway) ended at the Montgomery station, where the businessman tried to escape, while on the phone with 911, only to have the auto shop man follow him. I do not know the eventual outcome, but I do know that I learned a valuable lesson: Never underestimate the power of an available seat on the BART (particular on Monday mornings).